Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Art of Freaking Out

I'm over analysing my artwork. Asking myself too many questions and not liking the answers I give. So instead of it twirling around my head and not getting anywhere I thought I would start this blog instead.

I have fear of dead things. An irrational fear I know but real nonetheless. I think it stems from finding a dead bird in the playground in primary school and I thought it was still alive because I could see it moving so I thought it was breathing. It turns out it was big juicy maggots eating and writhing. I have seen two dead people in my 30 years of life, both my grandfathers, but each time from a distance and I definitely didn't touch. The thing that amazed me when seeing them was that there was no mistaking that they were dead. In movies when someone dies, people think they are asleep and have to check their pulse to see if they are alive. But when you see a dead person, there is no doubt that they are dead. Now on with the I do have one...

I found a dead bird in my backyard a few weeks ago. It was a baby bird that had been knocked out of its nest. I freaked out like a girly girl and screamed for my husband. Now bear in mind I'm abit of a tomboy, I'm fine with spiders, don't mind getting dirty but dead things turn me into a shrieking housewife. I begged him to put it in the bin and ran inside. I've been thinking about that dead bird since then, thinking about my fear of dead things and thinking how I wish I could photograph it because as much as there is that fear - there is also my curiosity. I noticed a week ago that it was still there. Normally I would nag him until he got rid of it but this time I didn't. I wanted to summon the courage to have a closer look. Early this evening when the sun had started to go down, one of my favourite times of the day to photograph, I ventured outside with a broom and my camera. It was covered with leaves so I had to move them but I stood at broom length. Deep breathing aided me a little as I put my camera up to my face and started taking pictures. They were to far away I needed to get in close and the background was the same colour as the dead thing so I had to move it to try and get a better shot, I put it on some newspaper squatted over it real close and finally got some photographs. I then picked it up in the newspaper and put it in the bin. I haven't looked at the pictures yet but I know what I'm going to do with them and the processes I will use. This is a turning point. I faced a major, major fear - but will it help me with my artwork? Time will tell....

1 comment:

  1. People don't look dead when they first die. They look like they are sleeping. It takes a little time for them to get that unmistaken dead look.
    As for your photographs, think of it as creating a memory of a little bird that no-one will remember otherwise.